I am happy to see that I am getting visitors to my new blog and people are responding to what I have to say. I only hope that the words I write glorify God, and inspire those who read every symbol I type. This week I reached out to a few friends back in Boston, it just reminded me how much I miss them. However, I know that they will always be a part of me because they are more family than just friend. I didn’t live close enough to my family during my stay in Boston, so I found people who like family would show up when I needed help. Some of them became a choice, and others God led me to.
Today I was sitting in the living room listening to an open playlist on spotify as I filled out job applications online, and I recognized one of the songs I used to love by Alexi Murdoch called Orange Sky. It was a song that had been on the soundtrack for the movie Into the Wild. If you haven’t seen the movie I definitely recommend it. Anyways, the movie which is based off a nonfiction book about a man who gives up everything and sets out on a journey through America to the Alaskan wilderness. What inspires me about his choice is how he begins to live his life whole-heartedly. He took life by the balls, so to speak. It’s something I admire, because in this season I want to learn to live with such boldness.
The boldness I seek is not to leave everything to travel across the world in search of something. My boldness comes from a realization that God has invited me (and you) to a banquette. The things he wants of me to savor are sitting right in front of me. I ask myself….. Do I really have things to figure out when I need to instead see the bounty sitting right in front of my spot at the table. I can take a bite out of allowing my body to be a temple, and taste what it’s like to be a runner. Maybe that is what I have been looking for to be healthy. I have tried a few things but have never been consistent. Instead I let the lies I was told when young hold me to being a person unmotivated.
I now believe Jesus has been asking me to take a heaping spoonful of writing. However, up to this point I was to afraid to share my voice. Yet, he has showed me my voice and understanding are unique. The Lord has given me a gift of understanding, this includes not only what I know but what others know. I feel him saying take a piece of dessert child, the dreams and possibilities await you in the future are sweet. They do exist and can become a reality, even if they seem silly or foolish. Don’t forget the gravy on all of this is the Lord’s grace and love which make all things true, good, full, possible, and even worthy. The lies you have clinged to don’t have to be what you believe about myself or the world. You can let it all go to be renewed through love.
Some months ago before I was laid off, I had chosen to start on a journey towards volunteering for a mission project overseas. I went through the whole process. It was a lengthy application where I was asked questions about my moral values and character. I was accepted into the program. Next I went to a week long training session the first week of June. I felt like this was something God was strongly asking me to do. For the first time in my life I truly said yes, I said yes to this calling with every ounce of who I am. At the training retreat where we learned about support raising and what the eight month program would look like, I agreed to get rebaptised. I had been baptised when I was a child but never as an adult, where it was my decision and no one else’s. I will share the baptism story another time, but just know that I did feel renewed after stepping out of the river. I ended up slowly raising money when I returned, putting in the work to go. Then four weeks before I was to leave, the assistant pastor at my church sat me down and explained to me why he felt like it was not my time to go yet. Because I needed the sponsorship from my church to attend the trip, I was not be allowed to go . The money that had been raised up to that date will still be available for me to use at another time. However, I did not leave as originally intended.
I was angry and confused. How could someone say I could not do what I felt God calling me to do? I can still be thankful for God using the journey of going as a way to transform me. To draw me closer to him. I know that the promise he gave me to go overseas is still relevant. I see now how he had some other ingredients to offer before me, ingredients in my thanksgiving feast that will become a dish which many will find filling. However, he still has some things to teach me before I start mixing. I think about a souffle in this case. If everything is not perfectly mixed together and the recipe not followed to the exact measurements then it falls flat. Once you get everything how they need to be, and then bake it, the end result is a golden crust gleaming on top of a mound of yummy goodness.
I was excited about the transformation I knew that I would go through on a trip overseas. Now I feel like God wanted to show me that transformation does not have to take place half around the world. Instead you can transform right in your own backyard. He continues to call me to throw out the past lies I held so true. Instead replace them with the fresh ingredients of his bounty , a bounty that sits right in front of me. I can be healthy, happy, and fulfilled. The first measure is a commitment to write with the Lord’s glory during the next year. The second measurement is taking action towards living healthy. Third measurement is a continuation of daily devotion that was started this summer. Fourth measurement I see is to listen to God as he continues to teach me the instructions and call out additional ingredients each step on my journey. I want to see the golden crusted mound of yumminess as my life comes forth from the oven to be shared with all those around me. Including you who are reading my words in this moment.