#70for70Project: Right Where God Wants Me!

I recently went on vacation. I went to visit some friends back in Boston. A few of us went down to Cape Cod for the holiday weekend. I flew into Boston early Friday morning, met one of my friends to go get the rental car. Then we picked up another person who was going too.

We arrived to the hotel after three hours of sitting in traffic. If anyone reading this is from the Boston area, it gets crazy driving down to the Cape on Fridays throughout the summer. Especially during holiday weekends. We got some great food for dinner, spent some time exploring and shopping. I really enjoyed Falmouth, MA. One Saturday we woke up early and caught the morning ferry over to Martha’s Vineyard. The ferry ride itself was such a great experience. Then we had more great food, explored , and did some more shopping. I even rode the oldest carousel still in operation, and the whole time on the ride I just kept thinking how many people had ridden this thing in 141 years. I could even see in my imagination the weekend it first opened and what a thrill it must have been. The high button shoes, the bustled dresses, little boys in knickers, and little girls in bonnets, all dressed for a day at the beach. The year was 1876, so different from those riding with me in the year 2017. It gave me a grand sense of nostalgia, for the things of yesterday.

We finished up Saturday returning on the five o’clock ferry. We headed to the beach near the hotel, once we returned. We all had just had some ice cream before boarding the ferry so none of us were hungry yet. We all spent some time relaxing and enjoying the beauty of the sea. Then as the sun was setting we walked back to the hotel and went to grab some dinner. Later that evening I felt like I wanted to spend sometime alone. I ended up sitting on the patio near the pool for about an hour. The stars in the sky were too numerous to count. As I sat there alone, I put on some praise and worship music, singing to the wonder and glory of God’s beauty. My heart was filled with a sense that in that moment I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I was completely present. I had an intimate time of prayer and reflection with God. A moment of praise and gratitude for allowing me the time to come see my beloved friends. I could see God in everything around me. The stars got brighter, as I stared into the wonder.

Sunday morning we all got up and checked out early . One of my friends, who also was a former roommate, needed to be back at her church to lead morning prayer at 9:30am. I was actually grateful she needed to be at church because I really wanted to go back and see all the great people of my former church. I also had a lunch date with the family I had lived with for sometime when I was in Boston. They were such a blessing to take me in when I needed someone. I love them all so dearly. I became overwhelmed as I walked in and sat down. The praise team was already playing. I had a moment of tears as I realized how much I truly missed the church who became my family. The people who helped me to become stronger in my faith. Those who inspired me to press deeper into Jesus. During the sermon, like most sundays there, I felt like God was speaking directly to me.

When I first left Boston, I did not understand why God would lead me away from such a strong support group. I did not understand why I had to go back to my hometown in West Virginia.  Back to a place I loathed, and never wanted to go back to. Yet, as I have shared before, I now understand how important is was for me to come home, and to face the things which are rooted to my past. I keep going back to the dream I had before I left Boston. The image of the willow tree being transformed from the roots up into a strong tall oak tree. At first, I thought this was just about me climbing, and Jesus telling me I no longer needed to climb. Now I know that I am like the willow tree. Although I was standing tall, if you think about the root structure of a weeping willow tree it grows closer to the surface. It is a water seeking tree, and the roots can spread far beyond the canopy. Disturbing the roots in the slightest way can damage the tree. However, when you compare it with the root structure of an oak tree there is a strong difference. The oak tree starts with a tap root, which grows deep underground seeking a dependable source of water. Once this is accomplished, the tap root is surpassed by an extensive root system which holds the tree firmly in place. I understand now how God has been transforming my roots daily, as I have been living here back at home. I am both trees. I am being transformed, by his grace.

When I returned back from Boston, I did receive notice that I did not get the position I had interviewed for the Thursday before I left. Although, it would have been nice to make more money, and it seemed like a great opportunity. I see how the point of the job interview was not to change companies nor my position, but God simply saying I can open any door. I whole heartily believe I am still exactly where I am supposed to be. I am not even disappointed about not getting the job offer. I know the promises God has laid out for my life are greater still. I believe in the hope of tomorrow, as I learn from yesterday, and live for today. God still has more roots to transform as I come close to the end of my first 70 day commitment.

I have even been shown what is next as I continue my 70 for 70 Project. Maybe even some of you will take up the challenge and join along.

#Poetry: Hold Me to the Light

Hold me to the Light,

Shine – snuffing out the lies,

Oh, Lord.

Let the seas of truth,

flash flood over the damn. 

No longer are the words kept from the hungry.

Fill the thirst.

Fill the hunger.

Shine- Truth on every nation.

 

 

Lift my heart with understanding, 

Teach me your way

Oh, Lord.

Let the truth of who you are pass from these lips,

Refereeing your unending grace,

to those who still need to see.

Let my light be a reflection

Unto your sacrifice.

Unto your grace.  

And may we all stand tall-

In the Hope of Glory. 

#70for70Project : Frustration with Myself

Tonight I find myself frustrated. I am frustrated by the way my mother often changes her story about what she knows and remembers about the past. I am even more frustrated by the fact that the way I was told something for years often changes. The way I remember something in the past seems to never be correct, according to my mother. I also am frustrated with the my own need to argue the point. Then the argument keeps going on until one of us walks away. It is a habit I had learned well over the years, from both parents. The need to argue. I wish this pattern would no longer continue. Not only am I complaining about this now, but I know in the past my mother has also been frustrated with her own mother for the exact same reason. It seems like in this family we often remember things the way we want to remember them; even if parts are exaggerated or false.

As I dive deeper into this thought , I feel as if  seeing a character trait in other people is easy. Recognizing it in yourself proves to be the challenge. As I journey through the 70 for 70 Project, God has increased the strength of my eyeglass prescription, so I am seeing things a lot clearer than before. I was talking to my friend a few days ago, and telling her how I feel God has brought me to this place. A place where all the painful roots of my past had formed and made me grow. Yet, he calls me to change one root at a time. If I allow him to help me change my roots, then I will become the oak tree full of all his splendor, bearing lots of fruit.

As I write now, I pray to my father to change this root. Allow me to no longer need to argue to the point of frustration. Instead I want to face this type of situation with grace and acceptance. Understanding everyone’s filter is different. Even when we enter into an experience at the exact same time. the facts may be the same, but our memories and interpretation are never the same. And this is OK. God made each of us unique, like snowflakes. Not a single snowflake is alike, but together they create a magical winter wonderland. Embracing these differences will help me to stop needing to argue over the memories of the past. I can see how in the next time I face conflict, I can allow his presence to fill the space. Then I will be reminded to embrace the grace of different filters.

#70for70Project: God’s got my back!

This week has been pretty stressful at work. I am working as a corporate recruiter for a manufacturing company. I took the job three months ago. The position is a new role they are trying out, for the remainder of the year. Their goal is to save money from all the fees associated with using temp agencies for their hiring needs. They are hoping to achieve this by having an on site recruiter.

The biggest cause for my stress comes from getting push back on asking for the tools necessary to do my job. We are fast approaching a month were the hiring needs will exceed what we have been doing. However, without the approval for the tools needed for me to do my job the most effective way possible. I am afraid I won’t be able to meet the goals and quota for the next few months hiring needs as production picks up for the summer.

My fear is because I am on contract until the position is proven, they could change their mind about the position anytime. Reverting back to the old way they use to hire. I have been able make a decent amount of direct hires since I have been there, but it varies between four to ten people a week. Like I said, knowing the goals for the needs over the next few months, I know based on previous recruiting experience it will be impossible to achieve these goals with the number of applicants we are currently getting each week. It takes 10 applications on average for every one position available. We are behind by 25 positions as of this week. I have only seen 5 to 20 applications max during any given week. With the exception of two job fair events I organized. Even those two events saw an average of 30% hire rate.

I have been especially stressed this week after I found out the company has put a freeze on budget spending for now. I feel like I am not being set up for success, because the company has not been willing to spend the budget necessary for developing a new Talent Acquisition Department.  This has been the source of my stress lately.

Yet, this brings me to today. I was praising and worshiping with my Lord today as I drove to work like I have been everyday since I started the 70 for 70 Project. I realized I had been holding onto my worries about my job, and the future of my position. So, I prayed to Jesus to take my burdens. I surrendered it all unto his hands. Not only did I feel so much lighter as I went into work today, but I had a reminder that God has my back.

First I had a great day at work, where I was able to set up a good amount of interviews for the remainder of the week.  Then when I got home today and checked my email, I found an email from a recruiter about a new job opportunity in my area for a permanent recruiting role. I haven’t spoken to the recruiter about the job yet. And it may not even go anywhere beyond a simple email. I don’t feel like that’s the point. Instead, I feel like god was saying to me ” I got you girl! I got you!”.

He reminded me how he has a great plan for my life. I need not worry what the future holds, because he has control. I feel confident he will always be with me. He will always have my back, and open up new opportunities. Anytime one door closes he will open another, even if it’s a window. A window which reminds us how he can guide us if we let him. If we surrender to his will and not our own. If we say yes lord take our burdens, exchange our yoke for yours. For our burdens are heavy, while yours are light.

#70for70Project : Making More Conscious Decisions

We had donuts in the office today at work. As we were finishing up the event, which is why there were donuts in the first place. I found myself indulging in the delectable sugary treat. I stared at the donut for several seconds before I made the decision to eat it anyways despite what I am trying to do. I am trying to make better decisions when it comes to my body, and treating it as the temple God has made it. As I have been slowly changing bit by bit over the past month. I realized something this evening when I was reflecting on the day. More often than not, I would have grabbed that donut without thinking about it. This time around I found myself staring at the thing before I admirably said yes I want the donut, and decided to indulge. I don’t believe it is a bad thing to treat yourself every now and again. However, I looked at the donut and for the first time it was a decision made with complete awareness as to what I was doing. I was choosing to eat an item full of sugar. Not only that, but when I made this choice I knew and even thought about what it would potential do to make my organs work harder to get rid of the excess sugar. I am not angry at myself for doing what I did. It was a choice I had been faced with and a choice I made which did not serve my best self. Before this journey I would have beaten myself up about this choice after the fact.

The very act of being aware of my decision, being completely conscious, is what astounds me. In the past I have often made decisions based out of habit, most of these I was not always aware of. Let’s be honest, donuts taste good. Most people grab them from the counter in the office not necessarily because they really want the donut but because they are there. The past experience of the donut having tasted good before drives them to reach for and eat the donut when it is placed in front of them. Even when they are not aware of the decision they are really making.

I have made many different decisions in my life, and often I have not been aware that I am making them. It was my past experience which drove me to repeat the same decision in the first place. Which is probably why for years I kept making the same kind of life decisions expecting different results, but that is not what happens when you choose the same things over and over. Instead you get the same results. It’s just plain insanity. I feel as I walk through this 70 day commitment to press into the Lord and change the way I make my daily choices, I can see clearer than before. It’s as if I have been walking with rose colored glasses, unaware of the true color of things. Step by step God is transforming the glass in my eye wear; painting a better picture before me. The colors are becoming more true to the hue.

Next time I am aware of a decision before me, like grabbing a donut off the office counter. I hope and pray I will see the cause my decision may have. And hopefully this will allow me to take a new path. Allow me to make a new type of decision. I will choose to not eat the donut, not because I don’t think it won’t taste good. Instead because eating that donut does not serve my greater purpose. And the plans God has for me because of the greater purpose.

#70for70Project : 24 Days In And Reminded God Provides

When I started this  Project 24 days ago, I never expected to be faced with a family death. Life is always filled with unexpected moments. So of these are joyful and others are sad. I had come to realize years ago, we can not experience one without the other.

I will be honest, it was a challenge to stick to an exercise routine while I had low energy from the sadness and mourning I was experiencing, as I was faced with the loss of my uncle. Most nights, when I got home from work, I just wanted to do nothing. I know myself well enough to know, I find it difficult to put on a brave face for the people around me when I am sad inside. I love people and am great at my job, I work in human resources. I am pretty friendly, and outgoing; most people might even think of me as an extravert. However, through the years I have come to understand how introverted I really am. I love being around other people. It brings me joy, but when it comes to charging up my battery so to speak. The way I do this is locked away in a room by myself for hours. I just need to be alone to get more energy. I find it even more draining when I am feeling sad. I sometimes have to pretend to be happy go lucky because my job deals with helping people. I don’t want to take my troubles to work, nor my work home. I believe a healthy balance between the two is important.

As I was feeling down, and my energy was lower than usual when I got home from work. I found continuing exercise habits which I have been trying to build, more challenging to stick to. In the past I might have had something which caused a similar physical reaction to my energy level; I would have just given up feeling defeated. Instead, this time I feel motivated to continue moving forward. I am not going to get mad at myself for the reaction to the situation. Or even get mad I felt low in energy all last week. No, I will pick up and get back on track.

Today as I woke up, I had a thought with such clarity about all this. I have often lived in a mentality there was not enough. I had been talking to my mother the other day when she was complaining about her finances. I was encouraging her to have more faith and trust God would provide. As I drove to work singing praise to the Lord during my commute, I remembered the conversation I had yesterday. Then God revealed to me that the mentality I had often about money, and there not being enough; I also had about my energy. Now when I am faced with obstacles in my life which drain the amount of energy I have, instead of getting defeated and believing there is not enough. I will look towards the Lord and pray for more energy to exercise. Even if it is for fifteen minutes. I am going to practice this idea with something as simple as exercise. However, I can see how asking God to provide even when I believe there is not enough, will translate into so many other areas of my life. I look forward to sharing the results.

 

2 Corinthians 9:10

For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you.

#70for70Project : A Funeral Speech For Uncle Jack

Nahum 1:7  

The Lord is Good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who Trust in him.

I am not sure if anyone is familiar with the book of Nahum. It is a small book in the bible, and the message is mostly about the destruction of Nineveh. Then among the all the talk of destruction, there is this shot simple verse. It has always been a reminder to me how God’s goodness and love is there even among the hardest moments in life’s journey. And so, my hope is we can all find comfort in the goodness of God as we gather today to mourn the loss of a beloved Son, Brother, Husband, Father, Uncle, and friend.

Not only do I stand before you in mourning, saddened by all the unrealized moments my Uncle Jack will never get to have. I also stand here today in celebration of the life he lived. For me, as I imagine many of you will agree, Uncle Jack was always the type of person you noticed. When he entered the room, it was always with great declaration that he had arrived. He had a way to lighten the mood no matter what the circumstance. The one thing I will remember most, about my Uncle, is his humor. I could always expect lots of laughter when I would spend time with my Uncle Jack and the rest of the family. I view this as one of his many talents and gifts. He had such a love of life, and never seemed to take things too seriously. He also had a great laugh. I unfortunately have not been given the talents he had for telling a great joke, and as much as I would want to tell a joke right now, to lighten the mood. I am fresh out. You are in luck however, because I have a different kind of talent which God has given me. It is with great pleasure I share it with you now.

One of the things that often happens when you experience the loss of a loved one, is you find anger with the fact that such a good person has passed away. You might even question, why God would take such a kind loving soul, and did not give him more time. I know after I had the opportunity to see my Uncle on Easter Sunday, I set aside time to pray for a miracle. I am a person who strongly believes in the possibility of miracles. I know there are people who have had all kinds of afflictions, only to be cured by god’s grace in the last hour of need. So, as I prayed for God to send a miracle to my Uncle Jack; God in his infinite wisdom and grace shared with me how Jack had already been given two miracles.  His miracles are his wife Stacy and their beloved daughter Allie Jo. I was reminded in my solitude of prayer, how Jack had always wanted to find someone special to share his life with and to start a family. Although, I did not get the opportunity to see how Jack interacted with his daughter as a father. I know in my heart he was a great dad, because for me and my siblings he had always been such a great Uncle.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

 And so, one of the talents which God has given me has been the gift of dreams or visions. As I was still in the presence of my savior, praying for my Uncle. I had a vision of Jack sitting by the water. He was looking out towards the sun – rising in the distance, and the light’s reflection twinkled with delight. As I looked deeper into the bright shining sun, Jesus stepped out of the light and towards Jack. He then reached out his hand, and Jack stood up. No longer was he weary, but standing tall in the presence of God. He took the hand of the Lord and walked into the light. I know in my heart Uncle Jack is now telling his great jokes in heaven, and God is delighted with his child.

Isaiah 40:31 

But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

 

#70for70Project : When the fog rolls in

2 Corinthians 3:16-17 But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Sometimes  when you are driving down the road through the mountains and valleys of life things happen that bring a fog rolling in.  This past Friday I got the news my uncle had passed away. He had been fighting cancer for the past two years, and he had gotten to a point where there was nothing more the doctors could do.  After I had gotten the phone call from my Dad, I had to finish up some things at work before I could leave. Even though I left work early, I still had the long commute home. As I drove home I felt emotionally drained. I was in a fog, mourning my beloved uncle. It is natural to feel this way after you find out about the loss of a loved one. The one thing that always makes me feel better when I am said is singing and listening to music. I plugged in my phone and put on my praise and worship playlist. As each song came on, I started to feel the fog start to clear. I started to focus on Jesus and the love and grace God offer’s each of us. As I was singing along with each song, I was reminded death is not the end of life. This is the encouragement I needed during my drive home.

I will honestly admit my motivation since this news has seemed to disappear. It can be hard to focus when you are surrounded by fog which makes the road ahead become blurry. I have spent more days on rest this week than I have exercised. The things which I have kept up with during this time of fog has been my daily devotional and prayer time. Actually I have been spending more of my time in prayer and devotion to the word. I have found encouragement and even joy. The fog covers the road ahead, but my heart shines brighter as I have pressed further into God’s words.

I know even though I am in a time of mourning. The veil of fog will be lifted, and the sun will shine brighter than before. Even in my loss, I feel like I am stepping closer toward God. This is why I started this voyage to begin with. I realize my reaction before I had set sail would have been different. I know this because it was different when I had experienced the loss of my biological father. When my dad died. I drifted further away from God because of my grief. Now I am seeing God more clearly through my grief. And so the veil parts like a curtain. The road becomes a little clearer. I see how I am still traveling on this voyage even though there was some fog and the wind stopped pushing the sails forward. This I am grateful for.

#70for70Project : The First Ten Days

The following is from my journal about my experience the first ten days of my #70for70Project:

Ten days ago I got my new treadmill set up. As i stepped on it for the first day of the next 70 days, committing myself towards making different choices, I took another step towards becoming the person God wants me to be. And then the rest of the week, I felt as if negativity was following me around. It was if something, someone didn’t want me to take this step. Every time I felt fear, I prayed to God to put his armour upon me. As soon as I had prayed, I felt better and filled with contentment. 

It was like the demons of my past bad decisions were following, but because I have learned Jesus is the only way to overcome. I had to keep each day going with prayer. As the second week approaches the negativity has slowly begun to disappear. I have found more motivation than I had before. I am still taking it slow. I figure I should build up my stamina first. 

Here I am the first 70 days. One of my goals is to work up to 70 minutes of exercise by the end of the 70 days. Another is to spend more time praising God, and more time in prayer. I want to also read one verse a day. Which I have already been successful at. I already feel like my goals are becoming easier to accomplish with each days passing. Slow and steady, will take me through each day along my journey. I hope others will follow along with me as I keep record of this journey. I also hope my journey may inspire others to also commit to a #70for70Project of their own. It’s all about changing what you have done in the past and trying to go a different direction. So that our roots can become to run deep, into the love of God’s glory and splendor.